On how domestic and violence shouldn't go together

Domestic violence. It’s one of those phrases that sounds as bad as it is; for me anyway. When I hear the word domestic, I think of Dad at home mowing the lawn, or Mum washing up the dishes, or Dad cooking eggs for his kids for lunch on Saturday afternoon. And when I think of violence, well, I think how those two words just shouldn’t go together.

(photo borrowed from: https://www.pexels.com/photo/adult-alone-anxious-black-and-white-568027/)

But unfortunately, they get put together way too often. I was really saddened to have a teen reader tell me that she could really relate to The Boy in the Hoodie, because she had a close friend who’d experienced something similar to what happened in the novel. I guess the thing is, as a YA writer it’s really important to me that my readers can see all sorts of things in themselves in the characters, their experiences, their reactions. But to hear it, to know it really is real for some young people in the world, is really sad. 

Domestic violence affects more than just the person at the receiving end of the fist. It hurts the children, the wider family, the friends. It hurts our communities. It hurts our society. It segregates and isolates, it creates wounds which turn into scars, it makes people hide and it makes people change. When a child is the victim of domestic violence, whether directly or indirectly, it messes up their minds. And sometimes, it’s not until they become teenagers that the impact is fully realised. 

​It can help to know that. Teenagers often need counselling to make sense of things that happened to them in their younger years, even if they received counselling for it at the time. That’s because teenagers start to see things from a new perspective, and analyse things on a deeper level. So be prepared, and help them to prepare. Because being a teenager is difficult enough as it is. 

The Boy in the Hoodie, and his mother, were victims of domestic violence. His Mum continued in the abusive relationship, even after her partner was freed from prison. I saw this powerful Ted Talk by a woman who was in an abusive marriage. If you'd like to get a better understanding of the how and why of domestic violence, I encourage you to watch it:

Shine a light on it.

Photo: This is my hubby and me at our school swimming carnival. He's the "Larry" that The Boy in the Hoodie is dedicated to. He's a great guy, and an awesome dad and husband. He's also an amazing school teacher, and I love getting work at the same school as him even though I hardly ever get to see him there.

You can connect with Catriona through social media here

Maybe, someone needs to know

It’s warm outside. And humid. The backyard is a bit of a mess after the storm we had yesterday - the joys of living in the tropics - but I still enjoy the view from inside my office, where a fan blows gently on my face and I’m relatively protected from the heat. 

(This photo is totally not of me. For a start, I don't even think I could get myself into a sitting position like this on a chair, let along stay there long enough to have the timer go off on my camera to take the photo. She looks cute though, hey, sitting there all authory-like in her chair? All the best to you, random photo girl from http://www.freeimages.com/).

I’m safe in here, in my house, where I’m a bit of a nobody. In here, I sit at my laptop with my hair thrown up onto the top of my head and no makeup on. I could still be in my PJs and no one would know, unless I told you. No one is aware that I do weird things, like drink green tea and put ginger in my juice and brew kombucha tea in the pantry just behind me. No one knows the thoughts in my head; the way I write paragraphs about people as I talk to them, or how story ideas run through my head as they tell me something weird that happened to them, or how being at the hairdressers reminds me of Effie Trinket from the Hunger Games, and I can’t help but think about how Suzanne Collins was probably sitting in the hairdressers one day when she came up with that beautiful supporting character and told us her story at her computer one day. But sorry, that’s why I didn’t quite catch what you said to me. 

No one knows, unless I tell them.

No one knows why I’m sad, if I am sad. No one knows why I am angry, if I am angry. No one knows why I am frightened, unless I let them in, into my world, and tell them.

Fear and sadness and anger are caused by different stuff that happens. Maybe my friend ignored me. Or said something unkind. Maybe my mum didn’t trust me, or caught me out in a lie, or yelled at me for using up all the data on my phone too quickly. Maybe my parents keep fighting, or my dad hurts my mum, or the uncle Mum thought we could trust, we couldn’t.

(photo from http://www.istockphoto.com/au)

No one will know if I keep it inside. No one will know why I cry when I cry or yell when I yell or run when I run. And maybe, that isn’t a good thing.

Maybe, someone needs to know. 

You can connect with Catriona via social media here.