Peer Pressure can be difficult as an adult. But can you remember it as a teenager? It was really unpleasant. That horrible feeling of being pressured into doing something you didn't want to do, that you knew wasn't right, but felt you had to for fear of being shunned by your "friends".

Man, I remember it. It might have been 30 years ago, but that awful feeling of betraying my sole for what I thought was the greater good, comes back when I look upon my poor little pimpled, teenage face. I remember that drive to want to fit in. The feeling of not liking myself, of wishing I was everyone BUT who I was. And the need to do whatever it took to have the other girls like me. I don't think I felt liked by anyone. Not even my boyfriend/s. It's amazing how a poor self-image can run that deep. *shudder* I wouldn't want to go back there for anything.

Which is why I love writing Contemporary YA novels. I want today's girls to know what I didn't: that they have other choices. And that, in fact, the choices they make in terms of who their friends will be, can have a huge impact on how well (or not) their teenage years will play out. In the first few years as a pre-teen and teenager, I chose badly. I want other girls to choose differently. I want to help them know how to choose differently and to see why it is important that they do so. In some cases, having no friends is better than having the wrong ones.

At least when you have no friends, new friends know to come looking for you.

Do you have a teenager struggling with choosing who will be the best kind of friends for herself? Does she know how to find her tribe? Maybe The Boy in the Hoodie would be a good stocking-filler for her this year.

Here's an excerpt from the end of chapter one from The Boy in the Hoodie:

But no, she brought us alcohol. Her Mum's favourite, she'd said. She took another swig, then passed it around for us all to drink from again. Keira and Megan took bigger sips this time.

I waited my turn with a dry mouth. I tried to convince myself that I had a choice; I didn't have to drink it again. Surely if I didn't, my friends would understand. And with time, they would forgive me. Eventually, we’d move on.

But then again, would it hurt to have another sip? No one else would ever know. It would be our group’s secret; a stupid story to laugh about.

There was more than one way that this scenario could play out, but which choice—to drink or not to drink—had the least consequences?

I was quite sure I just hadn't anticipated the one that actually happened.

The bottle was pretty much empty by the time it got back to me. Only one mouthful left, at best. I toyed with the bottle for a moment, looking at it, rolling it in the palms of my hands. Three sets of eyes watched me closely. I could see the words forming on Paige's lips: Mary. Her narrow eyes were telling me to hurry up and drink it. I stared down at the bottle. The first sip, I hadn't known what I was doing. This time, I'd be knowingly drinking alcohol at school.

And so when Mr Wally walked around from behind to row of pine trees that lined the school boundary, I froze. It hadn't occurred to me to empty the bottle, to tip it over, even just to hide it behind my back. I had still been in the process of deciding whether I was even going to drink from it again.

I'd never been good at getting caught out. Mum reckoned she could always tell when I was guilty even before she asked the question.

Why exactly Mr Wally felt the need to inspect the bottle, I don't know. Maybe it was Paige's reputation. Maybe there was a smell in the air. Maybe it was the bewildered look on my face. But suddenly I was suddenly being marched toward the Principal's office.
And Mr Wally had a bright pink drink bottle in his hand with my fingerprints all over it.

Available now from:
Booktopia
My publisher, Rhiza Press
My distributor, NovellaDistribution
KoorongBookstore
Or at your local bookstore. If they don't have it in stock, ask them to get it in for you!

Thanks for reading. If you’re interested in connecting with Catriona, you can look her up on Facebook, or find out more at her website: catrionamckeown.com.au

Looking for Anxiety in the highs and lows (a parent's point of view)

Anxiety. It touches so many lives these days. And to such different extents. While some disorders are thought of in terms of placement along a spectrum, I think anxiety can be thought of in terms of placement along a journey. And where you, and/or someone you love, is along that journey will depend on how you see it and its impact. It is a difficult journey for everyone - and not just those suffering its effects. It impacts on others around them, too. I know, because I have a child with anxiety.

I wanted to share some things I have learned so far, as a parent. They're not the only needs to know. They're only one parent's experience and our journey has far from ended. But perhaps this can be your starting point of what to know if you suspect you have a child with anxiety.

1. Knowing what to look for helps, especially in the early days.
* Look for signs of lacking self-care. Not showering regularly. Not brushing their hair. Not putting enough clothes out to be washed
* Having a messy, and especially smelly, bedroom
* Be aware of any perfectionist behaviour
* Not sleeping well
* Picking at their skin, especially their face
* Watch their bank account. Needing the immediate gratification/thrill of spending money can become an issue.
* Look out for areas of their body they are hiding. Some anxiety sufferers will self-harm strategically and hide it meticulously
* Note any reduction in wanting to do things with other people, especially their friends
* Panic attacks can happen at night, or may not be recognised by the person who had it. It took us too long to realise our daughter was having panic attacks; we didn't know what was going on, or who to go to for help
* Changes in their eating patterns

2. There are some things you should avoid.
* Don't assume because they're seeing professionals that they'll tell them everything
* Don't dismiss a professional's suggestion to try medication. Medication could give you your child back and give them a chance of recovery
* Don't assume they'll get better and will stay better - even with medication
* It's important that you don't blame yourself, either for their anxiety or for how you've dealt with it to this point. They need you to be healthy and strong for them. Every day is a new day - be grateful for that!
* Don't try to cure them. Love them and accept them, no matter what they say or do (or don't)
* This is a huge one: don't expect them to be able to teach you how to help them with their anxiety. They're struggling to work it out for themselves. Try different tactics. If it works, great. If not, try a different one next time
* Don't expect things to stay the same. What works and doesn't work will change. They're on a rollercoaster ride - expect to have to ride it with them
*And don't try to do it alone. Talk to people. Watch documentaries. Read blogs. Get on The Mighty and see what others say about what living with anxiety is like. The more you can understand it, the better chance you'll have in getting to a place where you can support them on the journey. There was a terrific show on SBS where people spoke about what it is like to live with anxiety and how suddenly it can appear in someone's life. If you need a starting point, try watching it: https://www.sbs.com.au/ondemand/video/1351060547935/insight-beating-anxiety

Things that can help, and signs they're doing better:
* They become more honest with where they're at and where they've been on their mental health journey
* They start taking interest in things outside their immediate world again
* They start wanting to care for something. A kitten. A plant. Or six plants. (Get them for them.)
* They start being a better advocate for themselves with their anxiety
* Improved sleep
* They start to look after themselves a little again - eating better, wanting haircuts again, the washing basket fills too quickly for you to keep up with

4. If you suspect you are living with a child/teenager/young adult with anxiety, you probably are. Please, don't ignore it. Please please, don't see it as a "fault" of the child's. Don't leave it to fix itself. Get some help. It doesn't have to be an expensive journey. Start with your GP or chat to someone at HeadSpace; there are plenty of options for help out there.

Thanks for reading. If you’re interested in connecting with Catriona, you can look her up on Facebook, or find out more at her website: catrionamckeown.com.au

Asking some hard questions... about parenting anxiety

I've been pondering this week about the ways anxiety and PTSD have affected my family. In many ways, I actually don't know. We can see, to some extent, how it is impacting on my daughter who has the anxiety. But how has it affected my other children? and me?

There are nine years between my oldest and youngest child and it occurred to me, as I pondered, that she probably isn't even aware her older sister has anxiety. And even if she has heard that word, she would have an extremely limited understanding of what that means. I'm not sure she's seen her sister have a panic attack. She's probably unaware that some days, when her sister stays home from school, it's because she can't get out of bed. And she wouldn't understand why her sister struggles to deal with her when she's left in charge, and her other older sister has to take over caring for her. I guess at some point we'll have those conversations with her, but when? I really don't know.

And then there's my middle daughter. She has a terrific relationship with her older sister and is very aware of the part anxiety is playing in her life. She looks up to her sister. She is invited into her sister's world through mutual friendships at their youth group, often hanging out together, going on lunch dates, to the movies, and to evening church services. But then, when my middle daughter's teachers tell me she has had incidents at school that look like panic attacks, it begs the question - is she experiencing her own struggles with mental health (after all, it often runs in families, and even more so follows same-gender siblings) or is she just learning to cope with the world around her in the same way her older sister does? I really don't know.

And then there's me. How has having a daughter with anxiety affected me? It is difficult to say. How much of the changes that have happened in my life have been a result of this greater level of need to love and support her, which takes time and effort and resources, and how much has it been because I'm so much busier now. I feel like I don't have time and energy to care for people outside my own family like I used to. I can't remember the last time I cooked another meal for a family in need. I can barely remember the last time we had people over for dinner. Some days I feel like I can barely keep up with the medical appointments and the need to have my children at home so they can recover from their days, let alone work and study and writing and cooking and shopping and laundry and and and... And yet God calls us to love and care for others. I used to do that - does God remember?

Perhaps I need to remember that is just for a season. It could be a few years. It could be ten. And actually, it doesn't matter.