On how domestic and violence shouldn't go together

Domestic violence. It’s one of those phrases that sounds as bad as it is; for me anyway. When I hear the word domestic, I think of Dad at home mowing the lawn, or Mum washing up the dishes, or Dad cooking eggs for his kids for lunch on Saturday afternoon. And when I think of violence, well, I think how those two words just shouldn’t go together.

(photo borrowed from: https://www.pexels.com/photo/adult-alone-anxious-black-and-white-568027/)

But unfortunately, they get put together way too often. I was really saddened to have a teen reader tell me that she could really relate to The Boy in the Hoodie, because she had a close friend who’d experienced something similar to what happened in the novel. I guess the thing is, as a YA writer it’s really important to me that my readers can see all sorts of things in themselves in the characters, their experiences, their reactions. But to hear it, to know it really is real for some young people in the world, is really sad. 

Domestic violence affects more than just the person at the receiving end of the fist. It hurts the children, the wider family, the friends. It hurts our communities. It hurts our society. It segregates and isolates, it creates wounds which turn into scars, it makes people hide and it makes people change. When a child is the victim of domestic violence, whether directly or indirectly, it messes up their minds. And sometimes, it’s not until they become teenagers that the impact is fully realised. 

​It can help to know that. Teenagers often need counselling to make sense of things that happened to them in their younger years, even if they received counselling for it at the time. That’s because teenagers start to see things from a new perspective, and analyse things on a deeper level. So be prepared, and help them to prepare. Because being a teenager is difficult enough as it is. 

The Boy in the Hoodie, and his mother, were victims of domestic violence. His Mum continued in the abusive relationship, even after her partner was freed from prison. I saw this powerful Ted Talk by a woman who was in an abusive marriage. If you'd like to get a better understanding of the how and why of domestic violence, I encourage you to watch it:

Shine a light on it.

Photo: This is my hubby and me at our school swimming carnival. He's the "Larry" that The Boy in the Hoodie is dedicated to. He's a great guy, and an awesome dad and husband. He's also an amazing school teacher, and I love getting work at the same school as him even though I hardly ever get to see him there.

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