Looking for Anxiety in the highs and lows (a parent's point of view)

Anxiety. It touches so many lives these days. And to such different extents. While some disorders are thought of in terms of placement along a spectrum, I think anxiety can be thought of in terms of placement along a journey. And where you, and/or someone you love, is along that journey will depend on how you see it and its impact. It is a difficult journey for everyone - and not just those suffering its effects. It impacts on others around them, too. I know, because I have a child with anxiety.

I wanted to share some things I have learned so far, as a parent. They're not the only needs to know. They're only one parent's experience and our journey has far from ended. But perhaps this can be your starting point of what to know if you suspect you have a child with anxiety.

1. Knowing what to look for helps, especially in the early days.
* Look for signs of lacking self-care. Not showering regularly. Not brushing their hair. Not putting enough clothes out to be washed
* Having a messy, and especially smelly, bedroom
* Be aware of any perfectionist behaviour
* Not sleeping well
* Picking at their skin, especially their face
* Watch their bank account. Needing the immediate gratification/thrill of spending money can become an issue.
* Look out for areas of their body they are hiding. Some anxiety sufferers will self-harm strategically and hide it meticulously
* Note any reduction in wanting to do things with other people, especially their friends
* Panic attacks can happen at night, or may not be recognised by the person who had it. It took us too long to realise our daughter was having panic attacks; we didn't know what was going on, or who to go to for help
* Changes in their eating patterns

2. There are some things you should avoid.
* Don't assume because they're seeing professionals that they'll tell them everything
* Don't dismiss a professional's suggestion to try medication. Medication could give you your child back and give them a chance of recovery
* Don't assume they'll get better and will stay better - even with medication
* It's important that you don't blame yourself, either for their anxiety or for how you've dealt with it to this point. They need you to be healthy and strong for them. Every day is a new day - be grateful for that!
* Don't try to cure them. Love them and accept them, no matter what they say or do (or don't)
* This is a huge one: don't expect them to be able to teach you how to help them with their anxiety. They're struggling to work it out for themselves. Try different tactics. If it works, great. If not, try a different one next time
* Don't expect things to stay the same. What works and doesn't work will change. They're on a rollercoaster ride - expect to have to ride it with them
*And don't try to do it alone. Talk to people. Watch documentaries. Read blogs. Get on The Mighty and see what others say about what living with anxiety is like. The more you can understand it, the better chance you'll have in getting to a place where you can support them on the journey. There was a terrific show on SBS where people spoke about what it is like to live with anxiety and how suddenly it can appear in someone's life. If you need a starting point, try watching it: https://www.sbs.com.au/ondemand/video/1351060547935/insight-beating-anxiety

Things that can help, and signs they're doing better:
* They become more honest with where they're at and where they've been on their mental health journey
* They start taking interest in things outside their immediate world again
* They start wanting to care for something. A kitten. A plant. Or six plants. (Get them for them.)
* They start being a better advocate for themselves with their anxiety
* Improved sleep
* They start to look after themselves a little again - eating better, wanting haircuts again, the washing basket fills too quickly for you to keep up with

4. If you suspect you are living with a child/teenager/young adult with anxiety, you probably are. Please, don't ignore it. Please please, don't see it as a "fault" of the child's. Don't leave it to fix itself. Get some help. It doesn't have to be an expensive journey. Start with your GP or chat to someone at HeadSpace; there are plenty of options for help out there.

Thanks for reading. If you’re interested in connecting with Catriona, you can look her up on Facebook, or find out more at her website: catrionamckeown.com.au