This past week has been a big week for me, and I'm starting to feel the effects of it.
For one thing, my youngest daughter, who is eight years old, was really quite sick this week. This meant a week of jugging who would care for her when both her dad and I should be at work, doctors appointments, other life-stuff happening (including my first born turning seventeen years old), and trying to get work done in the midst of my littlest girl needing me. All. The. Time.
Contributing to this, work has been kind of overwhelming. I have so much to do and not enough minutes in the day to do it all, which means constantly prioritising and trying to prevent any spot-fires from breaking out. This means I'm starting to miss things, forget things, even overlook things. Mostly home things; I don't think I've messed up anything at work, so far anyway. But, like, I've only just realised I have an appointment for my oldest daughter right in the middle of a class I'm supposed to be teaching this week. In my defence, I made the appointment last year, but I've only realised now that there is no way I can possibly get her to that appointment. And that is just one example. Oh, the joys. This has been my life this week.
Why am I telling you this? I guess because we all have weeks like this one has been for me. Parents yell at their kids, teachers yell at their students, work commitments in amongst school commitments can feel impossible to survive. Bad news comes in. Sickness. People hurt other people. It happens. All. The Time.
When I was a teenager, I would easily become overwhelmed by life. Sometimes, negative thoughts would come in and plague me, and I'd take my lack of self-worth and push everyone away with it. Instead of seeking people's support, I'd loathe it. I'd feel unworthy of my friends love and attention. I'd convince myself they didn't like me that much. I would withdraw into a bubble of self-pity and anguish. I could be a very miserable person to be around. I didn't like myself very much. I saw very purpose in my life. I probably had depression; I don't know, I was never diagnosed. My parents knew very little of what life was like for me inside my head. It was very lonely.
And it didn't leave me once I grew out of the teenage years. The feelings followed me into adulthood, my marriage, and motherhood.
