On my little secret. Shhh, don't tell anyone ...

Okay, so it's time you knew the truth about me. Here it is, I'm going to tell you. I'm just going to spit it out and let the world know what all my primary teachers, and my high school teachers, and my classes in those first few years of teaching down in Victoria knew. It's my literacy-fault. My Achilles' heel. The thorn in my side. It is an undeniable truth:

I am a hopeless speller :'( :'( :'(

Yes, it is true. All other aspects of the English language I have a pretty good grasp on. I've almost been considered a Grammar Nazi before. I can write essays in my sleep. I've been to Uni and have a degree in History and Politics, with a sub-major in English. I also have a post-graduate degree and am halfway through a Masters degree. And of course, I can now add that I am a published author to that mix.

And yet, I cannot spell.

You think I'm exaggerating?

The other day, for my day (paid) job, I was sitting at my desk watching a Dyslexia Daily video, and I learned for the first time how to spell the word Attendance. Before watching this video, I could never remember if it was spelt 'attendence' or 'attendance'. I have had to write the word numerous times since, and I have been able to spell it correctly every time (after I've reminded myself that I want to attend the dance). Here's the video, if it's a word you've always struggled with, too:

The video, and learning to spell a word correctly, is hardly rocket science. But it's really nice to now have engrained in my mind how to spell attendance correctly. Every time I realise I consistently spell a word wrong, and I make myself learn how to spell it correctly, I quietly congratulate myself.

As I write, I whisper to myself my little stories on how to spell words I've stumbled with in the past: The principal is my pal... two cats wear just one sock occasionally.

My 'watching the video' story is less embarrassing than the story I'm about to tell you, of how I learned to spell the word 'sentence' when I was, like, 23 years old. Oh, don't laugh! I TOLD you I can't spell. Here is how I learned to spell the word sentence:

It was my first year of teaching and I had a Year 7 class. For those of you not in Australia, that means the class was full of around 27 fresh and bright-eyed 12-year-olds. I cannot remember the context, but for some reason I wrote the word 'sentance' on the board. Immediately sweet little Lauren put her hand up. "Mrs McKeown," she said, with the innocence of a lamb. 'You've spelt sentence wrong.'

I looked at the board, to where I'd written the word. 'No I haven't, I said.

'Yes, you have,' she said, a little more forcefully. 'There is no 'a' in sentence.'

I laughed a little, trying to maintain composure and not lose the respect of the other 26 students in my English class. 'I'm pretty sure I'm right, Lauren.'

I went on my way, teaching the class. Suddenly, beside me with an open dictionary (it was 1996 and the Internet had barely been invented yet) stood Lauren. She held the Dictionary up to me and pointed at the word 'sentence'.

And that is how I learned to spell the word sentence.

You can see how it is better to learn how to spell words through quirky little videos, rather than through such real-life experiences. But, after that first year of teaching, I made the decision that I would no longer try to hide my inability to spell. Instead, for all my classes, I would make an announcement at the beginning of each year. I would boldly tell my students:

There are two things you need to know about me: One is I cannot spell. The other is I'm hopeless at Math. Fortunately I'm not your Math teacher, but I am your English teacher, but I'm living proof that not being able to spell doesn't have to stop you from being able to do English. Let me know when I spell something wrong; this year, we will all be learning something together.

I still will often say that, though I am a much better speller now that I was back then. I'll still pause and ask a student how to spell a word before I write it on the board. I have continued to learn. I have better learned how I learn to spell. And having a computer is amazing - that little red line (and the add-on Grammarly) make my life easier. I often say that I was born to live in the era of word processors and computers. Needing to spell is not what it used to be. And I seriously thank God for that.

NB: In the writing of this blog, I misspelt Achilles, embarrassing and exaggerating. But I fixed them up. :)

Photo: I hide my face as I make this admission. It is embarrassing for me; it always has been. But I haven't let it stop me. And it HASN'T stopped me yet.

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